Do you feel uncomfortable when invited to look someone in the eyes for a long time? Would you prefer Biodanza to be just dancing and playing without having to look other people in the eyes? If the answer to one of these questions is yes, I invite you to read what follows.
I myself have experienced the discomfort of dancing and looking people in the eye. My body trembled, I couldn’t hold my gaze, with some people less, with others more. With some I felt comfortable, accepted, with others I felt intimidated. I asked myself: what is it about her, him, or them that makes me feel uncomfortable? At that moment I didn’t understand that the question needed to go in the opposite direction.
Today I want to share with you key reasons I have learned through experience as to why it can be uncomfortable to look into the eyes of another:
- Shyness or low self-esteem: If you feel that you are not interesting or valuable enough to merit the attention of others, you will probably avoid direct eye contact for fear of being judged or rejected.
- Culture and upbringing: It may be that in your culture, avoiding direct eye contact is considered a sign of respect.
- It may be that in your family you were taught the message not to look others directly in the eye, no matter what the reason, so perhaps you are being faithful to this message.
- Past experiences: Some people have experienced trauma or abuse, this may be a cause for feeling uncomfortable with direct eye contact due to negative associations with this past experience.
- Social anxiety: If someone is experiencing social anxiety they may feel uncomfortable with direct eye contact with others because they are concerned about how others will perceive and judge them. Eye contact can make them feel exposed and vulnerable.
The reality is that other people are a mirror of our soul. It is up to us to ask ourselves more appropriate questions. For example:
What do I have inside me that makes me feel uncomfortable when I look into their eyes? What do I see in myself when I look at them? What do I see in myself through this human mirror?
I want to close by saying the following:
I believe that it is possible to feel gratitude and to see that other being from a: “thank you because in you I was able to see myself and, therefore, to know myself better”.